Forsaken Truth

Anyone else want to put their two-cents in on how I’m worthless? I wish I could see into your mind, just to make sure there is hope. I hate you for believing the words “I’m fine”. I don’t want to be needed; I want to be wanted. Ever feel like the last cookie in the jar, alone and broken? My relationship status has been changed to "out of order" because of you. You might not need me today... maybe not tomorrow... and maybe not ever, but if you ever feel sad and alone, remember I am here for you. I’m just plain tired of holding everyone else together, when nobody notices I, myself, is falling apart. My Plan is to forgive and forget. Forgive myself for being stupid and forget you ever existed. I want to be remembered as the girl who could brighten up everyone else's day, even if she couldn't brighten up her own. How strange is it that you can be in a room filled with others, but yet be so disconnected? I dream, of going for a walk. I am alone and it is dark. Nothing but the moon is there to guide me. The best part of the dream is the feeling of being lost and alone brings relief to my heart, because it knows I can't find anyone to hurt it again.
I want to be somebody's everything! But I always fall short and am somebody's friend, or sister, or confidant, and never the heart’s desire. "What’s wrong?" all I hear! You know the drill! I will say, "I am fine"! But inside I am being brutally attacked by the mockers around me. I've been alone for so long, I will soon forget what it feels like to love or be loved. Where’s my happy ending? Or am I the exception? Ever think that I expect more from you because I would be willing to do that much for you?
Has anyone noticed that I am on the "missing person's list" or have I been gone too long? Total silence isn't always the best type of communication, and yet everyone uses it... a silent night, a silent fear, a silent wish that you were here. I may not be alone; the voices inside keep me alive. I’m talking to myself again, but it's better this way... no body else can get angry or hurt. Tough people aren't born; they are made when no one is there for them to wipe their tears... I want to cry! But I’m too scared to show how lonely I truly am... the fake little smile will help me to try to live day by day... but you can only fake that everything is okay for so long. Then you just hit that point...I can't accept the reality that you're gone, that I won't hear your voice again, I won't see that smile that makes me weak at the knees... I miss you. There I said it! I miss you!!! What you did... what you said... made me realize that I will never be the same. I will never be able to let anyone in…at least not in the way I let you. What you see now is only half of what I am. I have a hundred different faces, a million different personalities. Only a part of me is what I show you. One day you'll want me like I wanted you, one day you'll need me like I needed you, one day you'll love me and I won't love you...

~Storm Chaser

Saturday at the Park

Sitting alone in the park while the leaves fall around me.
The swans swim gracefully around the lake making the raging
hammer in my head at peace. A teardrop slowly forms and
falls into my lap. A small rhythm, I once knew well, is
shattered y glass daggers send from my imagination. I watch
as a Blue Jay kicks a Robin out if it’s nest, rejected. The
homeless bird sunk down next to me, both minds squandering
our defeat. Now words are passed as our attention is
enveloped by the swan’s radiant beauty. Jealousy washes over
and tears start to cross my emotionless face more rapidly.
How? Why? What? The three questions that disrupt my peaceful
state of mind. I look to the Robin and he to me. It’s time
to get up, put that convincing smile on, and face the truth
with open arms. Walking down the lonely road toward
corrupted life, you find me. Excited to see you, or so you
think. Congratulations are passed and the gullible
production goes on.
As we walk back to your car you tell me how special and
unique I am, I thank for the thought as my thoughts are
contradicting.


~Storm Chaser

Death Cards of Brithdays to Come

Take a life like mine, what is it worth? Sacrifice a year
of my time… chapter and verse. Draw a picture in the sand
with the end of my gun, color with my blood. Will it be
cold? Dark? Drowning in my own ignorance! The dreamland is
near. Innocent and unprepared, surround me with lies.
Feel the whirlpool? Fight against it! Calling voices hush
to a whisper, low on choices. Before the boat goes down
close your eyes and think of something good…. Walking down a
road, full of accusing faces. Words are there to squander.
See the moonlight… open your eyes! Your dreams are beyond
control. You tell me to talk it out! We’ll speak of what a
waste I am and how I messed up again. I need to find some
comfort in the messed up state of mind I’m in.
Pressure me to fit a shape till I break. You’ll just move
on. And I… I’ll walk alone. Pushed off the beaten path of
acceptance. I long for love of someone who misses your
presents. Where is that person who will hug you just to hug
your and hold you tight with caring arms? Where’s the one
who will run to tackle you when they haven’t seen you since
yesterday? They are gone. Enveloped by societies pressuring
grasp. My shield is breaking. Soon I will be one of you.

~Storm Chaser

My Twisted Up Frown

I guess I’m a bad person, I know you don’t like me. Well,
Ha! I’ll make my own way. What a circle, a mean cycle, we
can’t excite you anymore. I don’t want to hear your sad
songs, no I don’t want to feel you pain… considering I’m
making it for you. And when you swear it’s my fault, I want
to take your finger, bend it back, and break it off! The way
I see it, the next time you point a finger… I’ll point you
to a mirror. So, where’s your gavel? Your jury? What’s my
offense this time? You’re not a judge, but if you’re going
to judge me- just sentence me to another life! This is the
best thing that could’ve happened- any longer, and I
wouldn’t have made it. It’s not a war. I’m just a person but
you can’t take it!
The same tricks that once fooled me—they won’t get you
anywhere. I can fend for myself. Living! Living a new hard
life, I can make it, I’ll give anything but up, my dear! But
there’s still that thickness in the air, weighing heavy on
my heart. What’s wrong with me? Why cant I just fit in? Why
can’t I do what everyone else does? I get lonely in a
crowed, everyone is smiling—why do I make myself left out?
It’s like I have a shield around me. A line only crossed by
a dead man. I won’t let you break me free.
I’m scared, I don’t know how it works, and you won’t show
me. So, I’ll just run for cover when I should really face
the truth. This is not a dream anymore. But I’ll throw it
all away before I lie. I’ve been dying on the inside, little
by little. But this is life and pain is just a simple
compromise so we can get what we want out of it. I’ll wonder
this earth like a misguided ghost, traveling endlessly. Can
you feel the ones you trusted the most still pushing you
away? Can you hear them? They echo you while you run blindly
in circles, attempting to hold the essence of dignity
inside. Just smile. The torment of the day will begin when
your head hits the pillow. Keep quiet. It will be over soon.
If only time flew like a dove, we could watch it fly… just
keep looking up.

~Storm Chaser

Slowly Living

I’m suffocating by the grasps of lies and scandal. Like a
fish net at the floor of the ocean you come up, capture me,
and drag me in without a sweat. I can’t trust any one. I
will not allow myself regret of what once was. I’m not safe
out here. Burned eyes blankly stare into mine as I walk down
the road. Where can I turn? I go to a house, tall and
majestic. The grasps will fall as I walk into the door. A
man is in there, kneeling with his head bowed. He speaks the
truth and I am saved.
Every time you come around I feel more alive. It’s not too
much; I won’t run form this perfect moment. I don’t even
know what’s real. Please explain to me what life is truly
like. You love me and adore me! It’s okay I can stay, you’re
the relief I’m looking for. Help me come back down because
I’m high above the clouds. You know I’m suffocating but I
blame this town. You talk to me, you know my every move, but
why do I deny the things that burn inside? I just really
want to know if there’s any way of letting go of everything
I’ve come to know.





~Storm Chaser