Anyone else want to put their two-cents in on how I’m worthless? I wish I could see into your mind, just to make sure there is hope. I hate you for believing the words “I’m fine”. I don’t want to be needed; I want to be wanted. Ever feel like the last cookie in the jar, alone and broken? My relationship status has been changed to "out of order" because of you. You might not need me today... maybe not tomorrow... and maybe not ever, but if you ever feel sad and alone, remember I am here for you. I’m just plain tired of holding everyone else together, when nobody notices I, myself, is falling apart. My Plan is to forgive and forget. Forgive myself for being stupid and forget you ever existed. I want to be remembered as the girl who could brighten up everyone else's day, even if she couldn't brighten up her own. How strange is it that you can be in a room filled with others, but yet be so disconnected? I dream, of going for a walk. I am alone and it is dark. Nothing but the moon is there to guide me. The best part of the dream is the feeling of being lost and alone brings relief to my heart, because it knows I can't find anyone to hurt it again.
I want to be somebody's everything! But I always fall short and am somebody's friend, or sister, or confidant, and never the heart’s desire. "What’s wrong?" all I hear! You know the drill! I will say, "I am fine"! But inside I am being brutally attacked by the mockers around me. I've been alone for so long, I will soon forget what it feels like to love or be loved. Where’s my happy ending? Or am I the exception? Ever think that I expect more from you because I would be willing to do that much for you?
Has anyone noticed that I am on the "missing person's list" or have I been gone too long? Total silence isn't always the best type of communication, and yet everyone uses it... a silent night, a silent fear, a silent wish that you were here. I may not be alone; the voices inside keep me alive. I’m talking to myself again, but it's better this way... no body else can get angry or hurt. Tough people aren't born; they are made when no one is there for them to wipe their tears... I want to cry! But I’m too scared to show how lonely I truly am... the fake little smile will help me to try to live day by day... but you can only fake that everything is okay for so long. Then you just hit that point...I can't accept the reality that you're gone, that I won't hear your voice again, I won't see that smile that makes me weak at the knees... I miss you. There I said it! I miss you!!! What you did... what you said... made me realize that I will never be the same. I will never be able to let anyone in…at least not in the way I let you. What you see now is only half of what I am. I have a hundred different faces, a million different personalities. Only a part of me is what I show you. One day you'll want me like I wanted you, one day you'll need me like I needed you, one day you'll love me and I won't love you...
~Storm Chaser
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